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Eternal Wings
Under Pressure
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Written by Anja Geenen
Chapter Two
John was away a week now and still nobody knew where he was. Jim had
left Veronica and the kids alone in their house, they needed more
peace again. Now he was trying to find out where John was in a Queen
office. Veronica had been there almost every day since Jim had moved
back to the office. Sometimes she took her children with her, the
nanny had moved away again. Julie, John's sister was taking care of
them now. John's mother had come from Oadby to her son's house, where
he had left his wife and children alone.
Now Veronica sat with her in the living room, and all they could do
was thinking about where he may be, or what happened. Her mother in
law was really very concerned, and she didn't understand why John had
left without telling someone where he went to, he hadn't even called
her. Molly, as was her name, had lost her husband when John was 10
and his sister was 4, from that point on she had to raise the
children alone. It was a hard task, but she tried her best. She could
remember how John was when he had lost his father. He had said to her
that he would take care of her and his little sister. So little as he
was then. She knew how much it had hurt John, that he considered it
almost impossible living without his father, but they did it. After
John had comfort her he went to his own bedroom to cry. She had seen
him crying, he didn't understand why his daddy had died.
It took a long time till Molly and the kids were a bit used to the
situation. John went on studying, just like Molly had hoped and he
was an intelligent child. She was very proud of her two kids,
especially John, and because she had lost her husband she was very
protective over John and Julie. John studied very hard, and he played
in a band. Molly thought the band was okay as long he studied enough.
But after a while the band grew and they got chances to play in the
clubs or on parties. It was becoming all too much and Molly tried to
keep John inside to study. One time his friends from the band had
come to the house and they had coaxed John out of the house. In the
garden they told John their plans, Molly had overheard them and
stormed out, while grabbing her son by the arm she shouted: "John is
not playing in any pubs tonight, he has to study and get to bed
early!" She had token the boy inside telling him not to try to get
out of the house again, she was mad and John was mad at her, they
hadn't talked with each other anymore that evening.
Molly was very proud of John when he went to Chelsea College, London
University. John wanted to dedicate his time to his study and decided
he didn't need his guitar and amplifier there. Molly was reliefed of
that, scared that John would spent more time playing his guitar than
studying. She knew her son always was very keen on playing his
guitar, but also on his study. He didn't want to disappoint his
mother and had always come home with very good grades. Teachers on
school like John because he studied so hard, he was a silent and
devote student. After a while in London John wanted to play his
bassguitar again and called his mother to bring him his bassguitar
and amplifier with her when she came to London. Molly made him
promise he wouldn't forget his study and then promised him she would
bring the equipment. Everything seemed to go right, John studied and
he did it good, Julie was on high school doing great, and Molly was
once again very proud of them. It was in 1971 that she heard that
John had joined a band called Queen, that was alright with Molly as
long John kept on studing. Molly knew she had lost a bit of the power
she had over John. John was more able to do what he wanted and he
wanted the band becoming big. Molly wasn't that amused when she met
the other bandmembers of Queen. Three long haired guys, they were
like girls with that hair. She knew John had grown his hair too, but
she had thought after John finished his study and go for a job he
would turn back to normal and cut his hair. She saw her hope flown
away when they other three told her they were going to be big, John
smiling, he didn't want to upset his mother. "Really mom, they're
great guys. And they're really good. We're gonna be huge mom." She
hadn't seen her son that excited for a long time. And now she
recalled the last past month from this year. John wasn't that excited
anymore about the band, and even not about his own family. Molly
remembered John's and Veronica's first child Robert, when the little
boy was born. John was so excited, he hugged his mother, wife and new
born child all the time. But this all seemed to have flown away. And
now John had left his family to go to nobody knew. She just couldn't
understand how John could have done this after himself had lost his
father and had to spent his time since his 10th without the dad. It
had hurt John so much, how could he do the same pain to his own
children by just going away. Or maybe something had happened? Molly
was as concerned as Veronica. Molly was always concerned over John.
She felt the pressure made him a bit sick. The band didn't do any
good to John. Veronica had told her she wanted John to quit Queen and
Molly agreed with it telling Veronica the band made John kinda sick.
Veronica had agreed with that.
Both women were sitting, waiting for any sign of life from John. Both
were concerned about what might have happen and both were wondering
why John had left the house without saying anything. People came and
went to try to comfort the women. The children were staying with
their aunt Julie. Veronica didn't like the silence around her. When
she spoke to her mother-in-law it was only about John leaving them
here all alone. Veronica knew how concerned Molly was over son, she
always was. Molly was too afraid of losing John. Veronica also knew
Molly wasn't very happy with Queen or the fame and pressure. It makes
him sick, she always says. Veronica knew how proud Molly was about
her son, about what he achieved, but she saw him rather in a little
electronic store. Veronica remembered how shocked Molly was when John
told her he had quit uni to give the band his full attention. Molly
didn't agree with it at all. John, she had said, you'd better finish
your education and get a proper job. No mom, John answered, it's ok
Queen is doing great and we're gonna be huge. He promised her not to
do anything stupid. Veronica looked at Molly who was looking
concerned and tired. She hadn't slept well, just like Veronica. Too
much thoughts were filling her head. Molly suddenly started to talk
to Veronica. "Veronica, honey. I know how much you love John and the
children. What has happen? Why did John leave you? Did you had a
fight with him, is that the reason he left? You know John wouldn't do
anything without a good reason." Veronica just stared at Molly
amazed. "Ma, you know I love John I wouldn't do anything without a
good reason neither ma. John was just so restless, he hadn't spoken
to me properly, I just wanted to start of a conversation but he
didn't react at all. I told him to quit Queen and that was where he
got mad and ran away." Molly sighed: "I know Vera, I know it's not
your fault. You are a great woman, a good mother and wifec.A terrific
mother and wife. John has to remember that, he can't let you go, I
won't let him." Molly always liked Veronica. She was the kind of
woman she had in mind for John, a devote wife she would be and later
on, a devote mother too. Molly always knew it, Veronica was the
perfect woman for John, caring and sweet. Molly was very pleased when
John introduced Veronica. Molly saw a shy, decent girl who was very
caring, very sweet, and a devote catholic. Veronica also studied, she
was quite intelligent. Molly loved her right away and was sure this
shy girl was gonna make John very happy.
Jim Beach had called Molly and told her, John is gone, he went away
without any papers. Nobody knows where he is. Molly slightly paniced,
cos they didn't even know if John was safe. Anything could have
happened. A few hours later Julie, her daughter, picked her up in
Oadby to drive to London where John was living with his family. Julie
had tried to comfort her mother by saying John wouldn't do anything
stupid, John can take care of himself, he's a grown-up man and he's
not stupid. Molly, for once, doubted this. If he was that caring he
had called, but he hadn't. When they arrived at her son's house
Veronica was waiting for them already with tea and tears in her eyes.
Molly had hugged her and the children, her grandchildren. The 3 women
drank a cup of tea while talking the problem through and what to do.
Julie offered to take the kids with her, so Veronica could get some
rest. Julie had noticed how tired Veronica looked. Molly stayed with
Veronica as Julie left with the kids. Molly and Veronica talked
through a few memories. John when he was child and lost his own
father. The wedding between John and Veronica, and the kids they got.
They talked about how proud John was of them and wondered how he
could leave them alone now. The 2 women felt so helpless, the
couldn't find a better solution for this problem than to make John
clear that a life with Queen and family wasn't possible, but how? The
2 women who loved John the most were trying to comfort each other,
they cried together and waited together. Both jumping up every time
the phone rang. Concerned friends on the other side of the line
asking if they had found him, the answer was no all the time.
* * *
The day moved slowly. Brian May, Queen's guitarist, came visiting and
checking if everything was alright. The 2 women were just staring at
him. He told them he was concerned too and that he and the Queen
management were doing everything to find John. He asked them if he
could help with anything and Molly answered, yes, just go away. Brian
knew the 2 women blamed the band and he did feel guilty about John
leaving them without telling anybody where he went. It was never his
intention to make anybody upset with him. Brian knew the pressure was
high, but what could he do about it? Nothing. They could only hope
John would come back home healthy. Brian could imagine why the
pressure was all too much to John. The last tour wasn't very good,
and none of them were very happy with it or with each other. They had
fight quite a lot. Brian remembered a fight he had with John, it was
about nothing at all, a stupid fight. Brian felt so guilty about it,
he had to do something, so he went to the Deacon's residence. Now he
was standing there in front of the 2 women who loved John the most.
He didn't know what to say, or what to do. He felt clumsy and guilty
about everything. Everything he said seemed to be wrong. Molly even
asked him to just go away.
* * *
Veronica had taken Molly with her to the Queen office. While Jim was
calling people again they were sitting on the couch, waiting
hopefully and still worried. Still no trace of John. Jim was worried
too and he didn't understand where John could be, or how he got away.
Brian had arrived at the office at afternoon asking for any news. No,
still no John. Brian was still there, sitting in a corner, silently
and pale watching every move of Jim. Jim was swearing all the time,
where for godsake can he be? Why didn't he call? He was really trying
everything to find John. Jim expected always all kind of strange
things from his famous clients, especially Freddie. From John he had
expected it the least. Jim tried everything to calm John's overheated
mother down, he couldn't handle any more caring women anymore. The
office was full of worried people. Brian was still there, Veronica
and Molly had just arrived and even Roger and Freddie made their way
to the office. Freddie never seemed very worried about his guys, but
he did this time. Jim realised how fond Freddie actually was of John.
The room was filled with friendly soft conversation and bright light
from outside. Every time the phone rang everyboy went quiet. Jim
picking up the phone, everybody watching him but every time
conversation started again and still no sign from John. The mood was
nervously and no-one understanded what was happening.
The first time Jim met John was a bit clumsy, but decent. John was a
peaceful, decent and intelligent young man. Jim also found John very
strong, balanced inside the band. Jim always liked discussing
business stuff with John rather than with one of the others. John
always knew everything about their productions, what was going on,
Jim really appreciated John's involvement with all that. Jim had to
admit he really liked John, and that he was worried now. That was the
reason why he was swearing so much. "For godsake John, where the hell
are you? Why didn't you call or anything?" Jim felt the tense mood in
the room.
* * *
Freddie was staring at vague moving figures. He never supported
John's lifestyle and he knew John didn't support his lifestyle, but
they got well on with each other. Freddie always like John somehow,
he was so balanced and faithful. Freddie knew he could always rely on
him. Freddie knew John had problems with the huge pressure, and he
felt a bit guilty about John leaving his family. It was his fault
too, demanding far too much from him and fighting with him. The last
tour they had all fighted each other like beasts. Freddie was worried
about John, he always was very protective over John, but now there
was no way for Freddie to protect John because he didn't even know
where he was. Freddie wondered if John realised how many people he
hurt by just going away without leaving any sign of where he went.
There were less people who knew how much Freddie liked John. Freddie
had heard strange rumours about him and Roger having a love afair,
but not him and John. Not that Freddie cared about that, but lately
he would do more with John than with Roger. Freddie just found out,
John was a real good guy and funny at times. John was also very
helpful and faithfull, you could always trust him. Freddie also found
John very smart and wise, something Freddie really liked of John.
Freddie was a bit jealous of John. John had a great family, a
fantastic wife and children. Freddie was crazy about children but
didn't know how to handle them. For some reason they made him more
nervous than the greatest crowd in Wembley. That nervousness made
that Freddie never visit John and Veronica and the kids at home.
Another reason why Freddie never visit him was because they were 2
total different people from each other, with both their own way of
spending their time and money. Freddie found John's lifestyle boring
and dull. Freddie couldn't quite understand why such an intelligent
and interesting person could do such boring stuff. He must admit it
wasn't boring what he was doing now, but he didn't understand why
John had left his family all alone. The first he heard John was away
he had laughed, no that didn't sound like John. Was this a bad joke?
No, only Roger could come up with such bad jokes.
* * *
Roger always thought John was an okay guy. A bit silent sometimes,
but okay. Roger still didn't realise what was happening, it all
seemed so strange to him. John walked away from home? John was the
last person from who Roger expected to walk away from home. Actually,
Roger didn't think very much about John. They weren't the best of
friends. Roger liked him well, he was okay. Brian always was with
John on tour and Freddie used to sit with him when they were doing
soundcheck, drinking tea or beer and smoking a cigarette. Roger never
was with John if he didn't had to and he never sat with John to just
drink tea and smoke a cigarette. Something Roger also didn't
understand was why he was so upset and worried by John leaving his
family and don't contacting anybody. It made Roger angry, how could
he just leave them. Roger knew he wasn't such an angel, he was even
less angel than John, but he had never left his family like John has.
The pressure was huge at the moment, probably John couldn't handle it
anymore, Roger figured. The last tour was bad. Musically they weren't
very good but the most pressure was on personal. They had a few bad
fights with each other and John had a fight with Brian. That is
probably the reason Brian feels so guilty. Roger didn't feel that
guilty, but he was worried over John as well.
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