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Eternal Wings
Under Pressure
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Written by Anja Geenen
Chapter Three
The phone had rang 2 times in the Deacon residence but no-one had
picked up the phone. The phone rang for the 3th time that day,
Veronica and Molly had just arrived home. Molly had went to bed and
Veronica picked up the phone.
John: Veronica?
Veronica: yes it's me......
John: hi Veronica
Veronica: ......
John: How are you, and the kids? I hope I didn't scare you too much.
Veronica: John! Where are you?
John: That doesn't really matter. Listen, I'm ok, you don't have to worry about me. I just call you to tell you I'm alright. You know why I left, don't you?
Veronica: Actually no, I don't.
John: ......Come on Veronica, be honest.......
Veronica: Is it because of what I said? That you had to chose?
John: ......No......no, I don't think so......I just needed time for myself. I needed time to think.
Veronica: You don't think so?
John: I love you Veronica, I wouldn't leave you and the kids alone.
Veronica: You already did John!
John: .......I didn't mean to upset you.
Veronica: I'm not upset! I'm mad! Where the hell are you? Why did you leave us? And have you ever planned to come back?
John: Please Veronica! I just needed some time for myself. Everything was so hectic with Queen and we had a few fights and......
Veronica: And it's easier to walk out of me then to quit Queen right?
John: No......yes......I mean......Ooh shit......
Veronica: John, I meant it when I said you had to chose.
John: Yes......
Veronica: Choose John.
John: ......I can't......You and the children are really very important to me, but I can't just quit Queen.
Veronica: ......
John: Listen, you and the children are one half of my life, the other half is Queen. Queen is really important to me, I just can't quit, not yet......Please Veronica, I love you and I need you, but I need Queen as well......
Veronica: ......
John: I promise you, I will spend less time with Queen from now on, I promise I will be there when you need me.
Veronica: John? You're coming home?
John: ......No......not yet......I need a little more time to sort everything out for myself. I'll call you as soon I decided to come home......
Veronica: Please come home! I miss you!
John: I miss you too honey. I gotta go. I'll call you. Bye......
Veronica: John wait!
Dead phone line
"That was John, right?" Molly stood at the top of the stairs.
Veronica turned to face her: "Yes, it was John. And I'm none the
wiser about why, where and when. He didn't want to tell anything."
Veronica felt knew tears coming into her eyes. They didn't understand
each other anymore, their marriage was failing. Veronica bit
frustrated her lip. If John kept on acting like this, Veronica didn't
feel like carry on anymore. She was tired of the marriage she had
with this man who even doesn't know himself anymore. Stunned tears
were rolling down, how could she think of a divorce? That was the
least she wanted, a divorce.
* * *
Veronica lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of what
John had said. I love you, but I can't chose, not yet......His words were
in her head, she heard his voice all the time. Ooh, John, I love you.
Ever before Veronica was afraid John and she would split up, but
every time this fright went away after a couple of minutes.
Certainly, it never was this strong before. After a while Veronica
couldn't think properly anymore and she was tired of everything. With
John's voice still in her head she fell asleep.
* * *
As soon Veronica was awake she got up and went to the Queen office.
She told the amazed Jim that John had called and that he decided to
step out of Queen. Her blushing cheeks and her eyes, which were
trying to avoid any contact with Jim's eyes, betrayed her. "Okay, now
tell me the truth Veronica." "John has called......" was the only thing
Veronica could say. She turned away from Jim feeling the tears coming
again. She didn't notice Dominique, Roger's girlfriend, came in. She
realised Dominique was in when she felt a hand on her shoulder and
heard a friendly warm voice talk to her. "Veronica......Let's go to get
some tea and to talk." Dominique took her out of the office.
Dominique knew Veronica as long she knew Roger. Veronica, a nice, shy
girl. Dominique could almost tell what Veronica must feel. Dominique
had quite a lot problems with Roger too. Dominique had the greatest
respect for Veronica, how she coped with the whole situation. She
always seemed to be a strong woman who knew exactly what she wanted.
She saw Veronica breaking down once before this one.
Veronica was pregnant of Laura and she was very emotional. She knew
the boys were having more than just fun when they were on tour. They
liked flirting with beautiful girls, Veronica knew John did like that
too. One night she was so afraid of losing John, she thought he was
having afair with another girl, much more beautiful than she was.
Dominique remembered how she was crying and she sat down with
Veronica trying to comfort her. It was hard to be the wife of a
famous man, that made that the wives of those famous men became
friends. There was no-one on this earth who understanded the women
better and they helped each other through rough times. Dominique,
Veronica and Brian's wife, Chrissy became quite close. Mary,
Freddie's best girlfriend, was different, she was strange and
different from the other women, she just didn't fit in with them.
Dominque put her arm around the shoulders of Veronica trying to
comfort her. "Men," she sighed, "You have to tie them down. They can
be such mean bastards, but they need you. They're just big children.
Veronica, baby, I'm sure John is regretting everything he said to
you. He loves you and he knows he needs you. I know it's hard to
accept Queen is demanding a lot of his time, but trust him. One day
he realises how much more he needs you than he ever needed Queen.
John isn't that a useless bastard, he can be ok." "He is okay!"
Dominique smiled at Veronica's defending reaction. "Good girl. Real
love won't die......I think I know what you feel. You hate him because of
what he said and you love him because it's him.You're afraid you'll
lose him." Veronica was trembling again and the only thing she could
do was nodding. She felt warm and safe in Dominque's arm, Dominique
really understanded her. "Veronica, you need a night out with the
girls. You know what I mean. Having a nice dinner just us girls, and
talking about everything what's wrong about our men. That's what you
need honey." Veronica agreed and Dominique went to organise
everything and call Crissy.
* * *
Having dinner and talking with women who understanded her made that
she felt a bit better. Both Dominique and Chrissy told the many
things Brian and Roger had done to them and sometimes for them.
Dominique stated that you can't trust men, they're all the same,
Chrissy immediately agreed. Allthough their men were doing stupid
things all the time, they were also the best. They reminded Veronica
how much they needed you, woman. They're just big kids, you have to
take care of them. Deep in their heart they love you very much and
they can't live without you, it's just hard for them to admit.
Veronica smiled and she really felt a bit better.
After a while it was quiet. Veronica was waiting for more to come,
Chrissy was staring at her plate with food and Dominique chewed
slowly her food. They all 3 knew this weren't the best times for
Queen wives. The pressure inside the band was even clear outside the
band. Not only the band and the people around the band had to cope
with the pressure, but the Queen wives had to cope with it too.
Finally Chrissy spoke: "Sometimes I'm really wondering what Brian
thinks and feels, if he still loves me......I doubt it......We haven't got a
normal conversation anymore after he came back again." Veronica
recognised the situation. The next who spoke was Dominique: "I know
Roger isn't very faithfull at the moment. Sometimes I'm really scared
he's gonna destroy himself, and me and Felix will be dragged down
with him. I want to stop him, but I don't know how." "Queen is
destroying them. They can't cope anymore with the fame." Chrissy made
it clearer by saying this. It also was exactly what Veronica was
afraid of and what she had noticed. The mood had changed from
frivolous to serious. The women felt each other's pain and they
understanded exactly what was meant with what was said.
"Maybe," Chrissy spoke, "maybe, they see now that this is not going
right. I mean, they must have noticed that John couldn't take it
anymore." These words were spoken in a hopeful tone. "If they notice
anything." Dominique added. "They first have to fall a million miles
before they notice anything, and sometimes even hit the ground. When
they have broken all the bones in their body and it starts to hurt,
then they start wondering how come they are on the ground so
suddenly. They don't even notice their fall." This all sounded so
depressing, it made Veronica even more afraid of losing John. "Ooh
god, sorry Vera," Dominique had suddenly realised what she had said.
She hadn't meant to hurt Veronica or to make her more afraid then she
already was. "What did John say when he called you?" Chrissy asked
interested. "He said he didn't want to hurt me and the children, or
to leave us." Chrissy pulled a face and said: "He already did."
Veronica nodded: "Yeah, I told him he already did. He said he loved
me and that he needed me. He wouldn't tell me where he is and when he
comes back. He told me he would call me when he is coming back
home." "Did he told you why he left?" Dominique came closer when she
asked. "No." A short answer. Veronica thought for a while and finally
added: "He thought I knew why he left." Dominique had put her arm
around Veronica's shoulder and pulled the woman closer to her.
Chrissy came closer too and Dominique welcomed her in their embrace.
For a long time the women sat there, holding each other and
comforting each other. Whatever would happen, they will always help
each other, was the promise they made to each other.
* * *
After they had released each other Dominique had decided they needed
to go out in the city. "Let's have some fun ladies!" she had laughed.
Chrissy and Veronica immediately agreed with Dominique and they
decided to find themselves a nice club with nice men. Tonight they
were going to be naughty girls. With naughty girls was meant going
into a club with nice men and nice tables and chairs. The three of
them were sitting watching the men passing by. They showed each other
the beautiful men, pointing and giggling like teenage schoolgirls and
forgetting all the problems they had.
A new day had started and Veronica remembered the last evening with a
smile. Chrissy and Dominique had taken her out of her problems for a
while. Veronica knew they had their problems as well, but they hardly
spoke about it, not forgetting why they were together. Veronica was
suddenly awaken by the doorbell. As she opened the door she was amazed to see this visitor.
A very unexpected visitor. "Hi dear!" he said with a shy smile.
Veronica looked around him for any servants who always came with him.
The visitor smiled: "No, I'm all on my own this time." Another shy
smile. Veronica showed the man her own shy smile and invited him in.
Molly, who just got up pulled an amazed face by seeing the
visitor. "Well, well," she said. "Hello, ma'am," he said as he took
her hand to kiss it. Molly seemed not very impressed by this gesture,
she only wanted her son back and she believed this man was one of the
problems of her son's life. "Veronica, I go out to visit Julie and
the kids." Veronica nodded and helped Molly into her coat. "I'll find
it," with these words Molly stepped outside the door. Veronica turned
back to the unexpected visitor, wondering why he came to visit her.
The visitor didn't know what to say or what to do. "You know I always
liked John very much and I still do." Watching him made Veronica thinking about the first time she met him. He was so strange from the others, exotic. Veronica knew the public image of him was quite different from who he actually was. She got to know him as a shy and quiet boy, certainly not a leader. But that shy and quiet boy had turned into a strong leader of
a band, though still he hadnft really changed. Veronica didn't want to see him like that, she wanted to see this person, standing in front of her, shy an clumsy, Freddie Bulsara, more than Freddie Mercury. This man felt with her and came to tell her he felt sorry for everything that happened to John, cause he cared about John. Veronica listened slighlty confused to the even more confused things Freddie had to tell her. Freddie wasn't very
good in such deep moments and serious conversations, but he felt he
had to do this cause he felt this woman deserved better than she got
now. Freddie wasn't such a bastard without any feelings and he could
forget his own arrogance for a moment for this woman. Freddie found
it hard telling Veronica he adored John and that he cared about him.
He found it difficult to tell her he thought she was a great woman.
He couldn't think of the right way to tell her, but he really wanted
her to know how he thought about them and this situation. He finally
spoke: "Veronica, ask me everything and I do it for you. And I will
do anything to get John back here and to have you two happy together
again. If that means John has to quite Queen......" here he had to
swallow: "I'll give him the chance to leave the band." Freddie
couldn't believe he said that, but he did. Veronica just looked at
him, not believing what she heard. "I mean it dear," Freddie said. He
touched her face briefly while giving her the most beautiful smile he
had. For a while Veronica was too amazed, but a heavy load was falling of her shoulders. Freddie suddenly felt how the woman embraced him thanking him. He first thought she attacked him and wanted to kill him, he didn't
expect her to thank him. Awkwardly he layd his arms around the crying
woman and tried to comfort her. Veronica had completely understanded what Freddie wanted to say. He had said he would give John the chance to leave the band, Veronica heard him saying he cared about John and her, he wanted to give them all the space to become happy again. Veronica felt Freddie was the first one from the band who understanded what she felt and he knew
exactly what he had to do. He came to her to tell her he cared about
John and her and told her he give them all the space needed. For the
first time Veronica felt, Queen was finally not the most important
thing on earth anymore, from now on her family life was.
Freddie stood outside again, watching Veronica, she smiled at him. He
smiled back at her and thought, she is a beautiful woman, let John
come back home and becoming very happy with her, they both deserve it.
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